PP vs NC: The Ultimately Awesome Battles of DOOM!
by Dr MilkyWay
Summary: When Pirate Penguin loses a bet he made on Ninja Chicken, he loses his hat and takes revenge on NC by dueling him to the death, or lunchtime whichever comes first. EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW PP vs NC THIS IS STILL FUNNY!
1. Round 0: Breakfast

**Pirate Penguin vs Ninja Chicken: The Ultimately Awesome Battles of DOOM! **

By Dr MilkyWay

* * *

><p>Ninja Chicken was enjoying himself reading a newspaper while making himself breakfast.<p>

While he was reading an article about the scientific possibility of 2+2=5, his orange juice spilled. At an amazingly quick speed, he grabbed his cup and used it to catch the orange juice in the cup.

Having finished off the orange juice, he sat back down in his seat.

FART!

Pirate Penguin came out from behind the fridge, laughing his head off.

"Hah! Ninja Chicken, you fell for oldest 46-year-old joke there is: Whoopee Cushion!" said Pirate Penguin.

Ninja Chicken looked under his seat.

"PP, there's no whoopee cushion under my seat, and I didn't fart. And knowing that you don't even own a Whoopee Cushion, that means-"

"Nevermind that, do I need to tell you why I pranked you?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"Because you can?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"The other reason."

"I'm guessing you held the calendar upside down and think it's Pranksgiving," said Ninja Chicken.

"Nope! I was getting revenge on you for losing that race to I bet on you!" said Pirate Penguin. "I lost my pirate hat! How do you lose to something as slow as a turtle?"

"For one, you broke my leg on the day before that race by dropping one of the bricks you were juggling, two, that was Turbo Turtle who's famous for being fast, and three, you've got a baker's half dozen of pirate hats in your closet so I don't see why you're complaining," said Ninja Chicken.

"I'm complaining because that was my eleventh most lucky hat! Not only was it lucky, but it had a cool skull on it!" said Pirate Penguin.

"All your hats have skulls on them," said Ninja Chicken.

"Well, I still liked that hat!" said Pirate Penguin.

"So what if you lost it? You have tons of others! What are you going to do, chop my arm off?" asked Ninja Chicken.

Pirate Penguin took his sword.

"As a matter of factliness-"

* * *

><p>As he tried to chop Ninja Chicken's arm off, the sword broke in half against his arm.<p>

"You're a robot! Or possibly a cyborg!" said Pirate Penguin.

"Nope! Just a ninja that can chop swords in half at the speed of light. It's one of our secret powers. Now let me eat my breakfast. If it'll make you happy, I'll play a board game with you or something afterwards," said Ninja Chicken.

"I don't want to play a bored game! Hah, word play. I'm so clever. Of course since the words sound alike, you won't get it. Maybe if I wrote it out?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"It's not that hard to figure out, I get it," said Ninja Chicken.

"Anyway, what if we played something else. No, forget playing, I'm a pirate and you're a ninja! We should be fighting each other in mortal combat!" said Pirate Penguin.

"Every fight we've ever been in ends in either me winning or a tie with both of us tuckering out. What makes you think this will be different?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"You'll see. Now just let me suspiciously walk over to the garage and I'll get our weapons," said Pirate Penguin.

Suspicious walk! Suspicious walk!

Later, Ninja Chicken saw water coming from under the garage door.

"Hmmm, I better check this out," said Ninja Chicken.

* * *

><p>Ninja Chicken opened the garage door and a huge wave swept him up.<p>

"What happened?" asked Ninja Chicken.

Pirate Penguin walked in from the garage, completely drenched.

"You turned our splashy ammunition loose, that's what!" said Pirate Penguin.

"Water? Ammunition? Does this mean-"

"Yes. Get your swimming Ninja Pajamas on NC, because for round one of my brawl of revenge, we're having a Squirt Gun battle!" said Pirate Penguin.

"A Squirt Gun battle? I expected something like your sword versus my ninja skills. Is that really what you want to fight with?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Yes! Yus! Yes times three!" said Pirate Penguin.

"Alright, just let me finish my breakfa-"

Just then, Pirate Penguin jumped in front of Ninja Chicken and stuck his Squirt Gun in his face.

"Unless, you're making me pancakes, we're fighting first, or I will soak you here and now," said Pirate Penguin.

Ninja Chicken grabbed his Squirt Gun.

"Alright PP, you have a reason to fight me, to get revenge for a hat you don't need, and now I have a reason to fight you: to get breakfast sooner," said Ninja Chicken a he loaded his Squirt Gun. "You're on."


	2. Round 1: Lethal Liquids

**Author's Note: For those of you who notice Pirate Penguin and Ninja Chicken weren't exactly in character in chapter one (at least, not in my opinion) I apologize for that. Keep in mind Calvin and Hobbes weren't exactly in character when I first wrote about them, and I'm not sure they are now either.**

* * *

><p>"Okay Ninja Chicken, I have all the ammunition I need in that water tower, while you have the two water bottles I bought at Steve's grocery store," said Pirate Penguin.<p>

"Why do I only get two water bottles? And how long has that water tower been there?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Because Steve charges more for one, and that water tower's been there for 2 minutes and 47 seconds," said Pirate Penguin. "Anyway, put this cowboy gear on. The way we're starting off is gonna look western style anyway, so I've decided it's awesome and we should embrace it."

"But I'm a Ninja and you're a Pirate, don't you find it a bit weird that we're both wearing cowboy costumes?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Nope! Mostly because Astronaut Armadillo is watching us from space on a webcam manned by your old friend Ninja Squid, so I want it to look cool," said Pirate Penguin.

Then Ninja Squid came in holding a laptop with Astronaut Armadillo on it.

"Yeah! Ninja Squid is going to record while I'm watching so we could make an homage to cowboy movies," said Astronaut Armadillo on Ninja Squid's computer.

"I'm calling it 'A fistful of water balloons,'" said Ninja Squid.

"Okay then, Let's get round one started!" said Ninja Chicken.

"Right. The time is now 55:11-"

"11:55. You're reading my watch is upside down."

-The time is now 11:55. At noon, we draw. Since there's no huge clock tower to announce the time, you'll need to set an alarm for13 o' clock on your watch."

"Unless you go on 24-hour clock, there is no 13 o' clock. Noon is 12 o' clock."

"Whatever just set the alarm."

A few minutes later, Pirate Penguin and Ninja Chicken were at a nearby park across the street, each wearing cowboy hats and bandanas PP supplied to make them look cool. Everyone in the park except for Ninja Squid hid but peeked from their hiding spots watch the duel between the two.

* * *

><p>Pirate Penguin and Ninja Chicken were taking small paces to each other as the clock ticked. The time was currently 11:59 with five seconds left.<p>

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

"DRAW!" yelled Pirate Penguin.

Immediately, Pirate Penguin drew his Squirt Gun from his belt while Ninja Chicken drew his from his sash. They fired at each other.

Everyone watched in anticipation as the streaks of water flew through the air at a quick speed. The blasts passed through each other before reaching their target. As low as the chances are, both PP and NC were soaked at the same time.

"Draw is right," said Ninja Chicken as he looked at his soaked cowboy suit.

"Well that was pointless. Let's redo that, but I don't wanna do cowboys anymore. Okay, everyone can come out, cowboy homage is over. Now NC, let's get a brawlin'!" said Pirate Penguin as he replaced his cowboy hat with his pirate hat then tore off his cowboy clothes, revealing his Pirate belt was stashed with water balloons and five more squirt guns.

Then NC took of his cowboy suit, but not ripping it like PP he also revealed he was not as heavily armed as Pirate Penguin, with only the one squirt gun he dueled with and a single water balloon hidden under his sash.

"Ha! I have more weapons than you! I am guaranteeified to win now!" said PP.

Ninja Chicken ran towards Pirate Penguin with his water balloon in hand. Pirate Penguin took a water balloon, but didn't run very fast.

"Hah! All those weapons are weighing you down so you practically can't move! Either that or you're really just that fat" said ninja Chicken.

"You're going down whether I have to be a living turret or not!" said Pirate Penguin as he got a squirt gun out.

* * *

><p>The two frenemies engaged in mortal combat.<p>

Ninja Chicken took a daring move by hopping on top of Pirate Penguin then throwing a water balloon down at PP.

But it didn't work; Pirate Penguin's squirt gun was powerful enough to keep the water balloon in air.

Fortunately for NC, one of a ninja's secret powers is to balance on anything lass dense than him, namely a water balloon kept in midair by a squirt gun.

"No fair! You have ninja training!" said Pirate Penguin.

"Well, you have an arsenal of weapons used for this battle, and I'm not complaining, am I?" asked Ninja Chicken.

Pirate Penguin then grabbed a second and third squirt gun in his free hand and used it to propel the water balloon NC was balancing on even higher.

"This is your chance to surrender to the Epicly Awesome Pirate Penguin, NC. I suggest you take it or I will stop shooting, making your water balloon drop on the pavement along with you, which will most certainly soak you!" said Pirate Penguin.

"You think it will only soak me? Dude, I'm three stories high. If I fall from here, it could do a lot more than soak me!" said Ninja Chicken.

"It might give you a broken bone or something, I know. Now surrender or prepare to face your doom!" said Pirate Penguin as the water balloon sunk since stopped firing one squirt gun, with only two keeping NC's water balloon in air.

Ninja Chicken knew if he wanted to eat breakfast, he'd have to do something drastic. He noticed he was level with one of the trees.

After hopping onto the tree, Pirate Penguin's patience came to an end and he fired the water balloon toward the tree.

* * *

><p>At the speed only a ninja could go, NC dodged the range of the water balloon's splash and hopped onto another tree and then another and another using his ninja training.<p>

Pirate Penguin remembered how slow he was with all his weapons, so he hailed a taxi on the road alongside the park.

"Follow that- Steve the Owl? I thought you were a grocery guy? And weren't you a dry cleaner before that? You were also that smoothie guy, the pet store owner, the sword store owner-"

"I'll explain that later. Where do you want to go?" asked Steve.

"Oh yeah. Follow Ninja Chicken! He's jumping through trees. And could I get on the roof of the taxi? It's a better firing range up there," said Pirate Penguin.

As Ninja Chicken hopped from tree to tree, he noticed Pirate Penguin was on top of a taxi, firing nearly everything he had at Ninja Chicken.

But Ninja Chicken was too quick for all of PP's weapons.

Ninja Chicken fired at Pirate Penguin a little, but wanted to be conservative of his ammo, considering how little Pirate Penguin gave him.

"What is he running for? Besides the obvious, I mean," said Pirate Penguin.

But Ninja Chicken soon saw what he was looking for: a fire hydrant on the road. He took a shuriken from his sash and threw it at the fire hydrant.

As the water was let out, Steve's taxi was thrown to its side.

But Pirate Penguin wasn't. He bailed the taxi before it was tipped over and ran after him for the rest of the way, seeing there were no more trees for NC to hop on.

Ninja Chicken then slid down the roof of the house he was on and hopped down to the street.

"How come the fire hydrant didn't soak you?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Awesomeness powers," said Pirate Penguin.

"That's your reason for everything," said Ninja Chicken. "Why, I bet it's going to be your reason for losing when I soak you and win round 1."

Ninja Chicken took out his squirt gun and tried to soak Pirate Penguin, but there was no more ammo in his squirt gun. He reached for one of the water bottles PP had given him for extra ammo, but they were gone.

"Looking for these?" asked Pirate Penguin as he held up two water bottles.

"You swine!" said Ninja Chicken.

"I'm getting bored of this," said Pirate Penguin. "I will now end this battle by soaking you into oblivion. Sayonara Chicken!"

Pirate Penguin literally threw all the water balloons he had and shot all his six squirt guns at full blast at the one spot that Ninja Chicken was standing.

Luckily, NC managed to duck first, barely dodging the water balloons or water being hit at him.

Everything Pirate Penguin fired at Ninja Chicken flew past him and flew through the cockpit of a crane at a nearby construction site.

One of the water balloons hit a lever in the cockpit that sent a girder on the crane going left, then it hit the water tower with all of PP's ammo, knocking it over.

As soon and the two frenemies saw this, Ninja Chicken reacted by grabbing Pirate Penguin and jumping down a nearby manhole.

"Hmmm, this is the best-smelling sewer I've ever hidden in," said Pirate Penguin.

Ninja Chicken gave Pirate Penguin an odd look.

But then they heard a loud splash from above.

The duo went up to find out what happened.

They saw everything in the neighborhood was drenched.

Some houses were flooded, there were random objects swept up on streets, cars were turned over, so it looked like your average flood aftermath.

"So anyway, why don't we end this now?" asked Pirate Penguin as he aimed one squirt gun at N's back when it was turned.

Ninja Chicken then kicked it away.

Pirate Penguin grabbed another from his belt.

"Okay Pirate Penguin, I surrender," said Ninja Chicken as he held his hands behind his back.

"Ha HA! Finally! I win round 1!" said Pirate Penguin.

Then Ninja Chicken grabbed a stolen squirt gun from behind his back.

"Think again, chubby!" said Ninja Chicken.

KA-SPLISH! KA-SPLASH!

Pirate Penguin was sent on his back, sliding on the watery road.

"How did you get a squirt gun? How did you hide it?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"I used my stealthy sneakiness powers to steal it from you in the sewer, and I glooed it to my back," said Ninja Chicken as he showed part of his ninja costume was stuck to the squirt gun from pulling it off and that he a bottle of Gloo brand Glue.

"Fine, I guess you win fair and cubed," said Pirate Penguin.

"Well anyway, we should probably get out of here, the cops are gonna have questions for us," said Ninja Chicken.

"Why?"

"We let loose a fire hydrant and knocked over a water tower, what do you think?"

Double Take!

"Aw #$%, yeah, let's go," said Pirate Penguin.

So Pirate Penguin and Ninja Chicken ran away from the scene until the cops got lazy from looking for them and let it go.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note:<span> 20 BONUS NINJA POINTS TO ANYONE WHO CAN GUESS WHAT MOVIE NINJA CHICKEN'S VICTORY STRATEGY WAS BASED OFF OF!**


	3. Round 2: Severe Snowballs

Pirate Penguin and Ninja Chicken were eating Ice Cream on PP's doorstep.

"So what do you want to do for round 2? The first round was pretty fun," said ninja Chicken.

"I'm out of ideas. Maybe they're selling them at that yard sale down the street. Then again, who would sell a perfectly good idea?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"How could someone sell a good idea? You sell things at a garage sale. Ideas are thoughts, not things," said Ninja Chicken.

"Exactly! Who'd wanna buy some dumb ol' thing when you could buy a thought?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"We'll have a talk about this later. Anywho, what's round two?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"It's not a rhyming contest, so stop putting firewalls in my thoughts by your poetry!" said Pirate Penguin.

"Firewalls? That's a computer thing that blocks viruses, that doesn't have to do with your head," said Ninja Chicken.

"I'm so awesome, my brain is like a computer, and your rhyminess is a virus that must be purged," said Pirate Penguin.

"But you just said it was a firewa-"

PURGING ANNOYING VIRUS!" shouted Pirate Penguin as he poured his Ice Cream on Ninja Chicken's head.

"Man, that ice cream is cold, what's in it?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Just what you'd put in normal ice cream, some ice,-"

"And let me guess, some cream?"

"Nope! Clay. Then I stirred it up in a blender."

NC spit out his Ice Cream the moment PP said that.

* * *

><p>Pirate Penguin then had an idea while laughing at Ninja Chicken's Ice Cream covered head.<p>

"I know!"

"You know things?"

"No, a thought isn't a thing, you said it yourself."

"What's your idea?"

"SNOWBALL FIGHT!"

"But it's summer."

"Hmmm, a dilemma," said Pirate Penguin as he scratched his chin with his hook hand. "By the way what's a dilemma? Okay, two dilemmas."

Then PP's chin started bleeding from his hook hand scratching it.

"Three."

"A dilemma is a problem."

"Two."

"Here's a band-aid for your chin."

"What comes before two?"

"One."

"Won."

"If you really want to do a snowball fight, then we could always use the man-made snow at that ski resort on the other side of town," said Ninja Chicken.

"Happy New Years!" said Pirate Penguin.

"What?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"The last things I said were a countdown from three to won. So after, I said happy new years," said Pirate Penguin.

"Okay, I'll get the car ready," said Ninja Chicken.

"I'll get my jacket," said Pirate Penguin.

"Since when do Pirates need coats? Aren't you adapted to cold weather?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Since it started getting cold and shivery at the North Pole," said Pirate Penguin.

"I don't even want to know what **he** was doing at the North Pole," thought Ninja Chicken.

* * *

><p>After Pirate Penguin got his coat, they rode NC's car to the other side of town where they saw a ski resort.<p>

When they got there, Pirate Penguin was establishing rules for Round 2.

"First person to get hit with snow second wins, and first person to get hit with snow first loses. Other than that, its total anarchy!" said Pirate Penguin.

"What about snow forts?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Oh yeah. We both get time to build them. I'll build mine on this side of the resort with the lodge filled with hot girls in it, while you get the side with the ski lift where you might get hit by a falling skier," said Pirate Penguin.

"How come you get the unfair advantage two times in a row? It's unfair! I should get the unfair advantage," said Ninja Chicken.

"No."

"Do it, or you'll have to snowboard home."

"Fine."

PP and NC both made their forts on opposing sides of the ski resort. Pirate Penguin, being the doof he was, made his fort in the shape of the letters PP that were about 8 feet tall, so it was just a single huge wall filled with holes.

"Now to make the snowballs," thought Pirate Penguin.

Pirate Penguin had made exactly 27 in the time he used, and Ninja Chicken had not come by once. After that, he put them all in a sack he carried on his back.

"How many should I take? I'll just take all of these to the other side while NC is only going to attack with one," thought Pirate Penguin. "I mean, who would've thought of bringing 27 snowballs with them, I'm just awesome like that."

Then PP felt a tap on his shoulder.

He saw a Ski Instructor behind him.

"Sir, I must ask that you tear down the snow sculpture you made over there," said the Ski Instructor as he pointed at Pirate Penguin's "fort." "It's blocking the path for skiers on the Ski Lift."

Pirate Penguin took his sword and pointed it at the Ski Instructor's neck.

"Shut up and let me have my snowball fight in peace, you overglorified Preschool Teacher," said Pirate Penguin.

"Yes, sir," said the Ski Instructor letting PP be.

Pirate Penguin continued making his way up the hill to ambush NC.

* * *

><p>"Man, this hill's pretty steep. Maybe I should've just let NC come to me. If only there was some other way to move in snow," thought Pirate Penguin.<p>

Then he saw a snowmobile rental up ahead.

He ran inside and came out with gumball that was in a gumball machine in the building.

"Good thing I saw that gumball machine in that store, my taste buds needed something sweet. Now to find an easier way to get across the snow," thought Pirate Penguin.

He then saw a sign next to him in the shape of an arrow labeled "SNOWMOBILE RENTAL."

Pirate Penguin saw it pointed behind him and then he saw the store he just walked out of.

"Gum and Snowmobiles? This place has everything!" said Pirate Penguin as he ran back in and came out with a snowmobile.

"Ha! Now I've got snowballs, and snowmobile, and gum! There's no way NC can stop me now," said Pirate Penguin as he continued his way up the Ski Trail.

"I could with a sneak attack," said a voice behind Pirate Penguin.

PP had turned around to see NC was right behind him on another snowmobile, and had at least 20 snowballs with him, each in the shape of a shuriken.

"50? That's like, 100 times as much as I brought!" said Pirate Penguin.

"You brought twenty-seven," said Ninja Chicken.

Pirate Penguin threw one of his snowballs at Ninja Chicken, but he dodged it.

"You just provoked me. And you do not like ninjas when they are provoked," said Ninja Chicken as he pulled out one of his snow-shuriken and threw it at Pirate Penguin.

But he ducked and it hit his hat off of his head and it fell back down the ski trail.

"This just got personal, Ninja Chicken!" said Pirate Penguin as he threw two more snowballs back which Ninja Chicken dodged both.

Pirate Penguin didn't notice his sword was dangling toward the edge of the snowmobile and was poking the motor of the snowmobile.

While Pirate Penguin was busy missing all the snowballs he made, his sword got wedged in the motor and the snowmobile started making weird noises. Pirate Penguin saw his sword stuck in the motor and pulled it out, but it was too late.

The snowmobile stopped. Pirate Penguin ran off with his sack of snowballs, but NC sped around him and threw snow-shuriken at him.

Pirate Penguin used his sack of snowballs as a shield and they all hit the sack.

The spikes on them had cut holes in the sack, letting some the snowballs out.

The number of snowballs in Pirate Penguin's sack had shrunk to four.

"Wait a minute, I have a sword, I could probably cut these things in half if I wanted to," thought Pirate Penguin.

PP got his sword out and tried to slice the next snow-shuriken in half. But instead, it bounced off of his sword and hit NC's motor.

"What did you do, freeze those things before we started? It's rock solid!" said Pirate Penguin.

NC jumped off of his snowmobile and ran after PP, who was desperate for a place to run with his limited ammo.

* * *

><p>PP saw a guy snowboarding.<p>

He hopped on the snowboard, knocking the other person off.

The hill wasn't too steep, so PP didn't go too fast.

It seemed like a miracle that NC hadn't hit him yet.

"What do I do? I need an idea!" said Pirate Penguin.

Then PP had a flashback of what NC had said earlier: "Ideas are thoughts, not things."

"That's **IT?** Usually in movies and TV shows when someone gets a flashback it helps them with their current situation. How does that help me?" ranted Pirate Penguin.

Then he saw a ski lift up ahead.

"Oh, that's the lesson: I'm so awesome I don't even need ideas or thoughts to trick Ninja Chicken," thought Pirate Penguin as he saw his "fort" at the bottom of the ski lift.

Pirate Penguin bailed off of the snowboard and jumped onto one of the ski lift chairs.

Ninja Chicken followed on the next chair.

* * *

><p>"Ha! PP, you've lost! You don't have a board or ski gear so you can't jump off!" said Ninja Chicken as he threw another snow-shuriken.<p>

Pirate Penguin ducked behind the chair.

"You can't hide forever, PP! As soon as your chair reaches the top, your chair will turn around and you will be in my firing range!" said Ninja Chicken.

A quiet moment later, Pirate Penguin's chair had almost reached the top of the slope.

Ninja Chicken had gotten his snow-shuriken ready.

PP's chair had completely turned around, and Pirate Penguin was not in his chair.

"What the? He wouldn't've jumped without any snow gear, would he?" thought Ninja Chicken as he looked over the edge of his chair, down at PP's snow fort, but no sign of him.

Then NC felt something cold hit his back.

He turned around to see Pirate Penguin had not left his chair, but instead hid on the other side of it when his chair turned around by using his hook hand as a handle he hooked on the chair.

"First person to get hit with snow first loses-" said Pirate Penguin.

Then he picked up his remaining three snowballs and threw them at Ninja Chicken. NC lost his balance and fell off of his chair and onto the first P of PP's snow fort.

**KA-SNOW!**

The impact had forced some snow from it onto Pirate Penguin's face.

"-And first person to get hit with snow second wins," said Pirate Penguin as he cleaned the snow off of his face.

* * *

><p>After he got off the ski lift, he went over to Ninja Chicken, with one of his initials demolished.<p>

"U Kay NC?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"Am I okay? You could've killed me if that huge letter P wasn't there," said Ninja Chicken.

"Well I had a good game too. Whaddya say we go get some Pizza to talk about Round 3. This is starting to get pretty fun," said Pirate Penguin.

"I can't believe I lost to a dumb penguin without any fighting training," thought Ninja Chicken.

"I am NOT dumb, and yes, I heard your thoughts," said Pirate Penguin. "So anywho, let's go get a pizza and talk about Round 3."

"Okay," said Ninja Chicken as the frenemies walked over to Ninja Chicken's car.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>**I think I made NC a little too evil in this chapter, but it fits the storyline.**


	4. Round 3: Stupid Swordfighting

Pirate Penguin and Ninja Chicken were leaving the nearby Pizza Parlor after a good lunch.

"I just noticed, you've eaten twice now, and I thought you were playing this so you could eat," said Pirate Penguin.

"You just noticed that?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Why are you still playing?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"After Round 1, I just wanted to prove my ninja awesomeness by beating you again. After Round 2, I couldn't believe you eat me so I'm going to beat you this time," said Ninja Chicken.

"Okay. So what do you want to do for Round 3?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"All we've done is childish games so far, so let's kick it up a notch," said Ninja Chicken.

"There are only two notches to go up after that. Are you sure you want to use it now?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"Yup."

"Okay, what do you have in mind?"

"Sword fight."

"You don't have a sword, and the last time we tried to get you one from Steve's Sword Store, we broke both of the ninja-style ones."

"True, but I also have these spiky fellas."

Ninja Chicken held up a shuriken.

"That's not a sword, that's a pizza cutter. Did you steal it from the parlor? Don't you know that's what pirates do, and not ninjas?"

"This isn't a pizza cutter, it's a slicey ninja star. Also known as a shuriken, which means 'sword hidden in the hand.'"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** It's true! Look it up.**

* * *

><p>Well, Pizza Cutter or not, my sword as the advantage of giganticness!" said Pirate Penguin as he picked up his sword.<p>

"Well MY sword can be thrown," said Ninja Chicken as he threw the shuriken at PP's belt.

After that, his belt came off.

"I'm naked!" screamed Pirate Penguin.

"Relax, you still have your hat," said Ninja Chicken.

"Oh, good," said Pirate Penguin.

"Well, then let's do a sword fight," said Ninja Chicken.

"Right," said Pirate Penguin.

"How about we have it at your place? There's a lot of stuff that we can break at my home," said Ninja Chicken.

"How about we have it in a volcano? Or on an Airplane?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"How about in a wrestling arena? First one to fall off loses," said Ninja Chicken.

"I'd Prefer-"

Ninja Chicken held his shuriken against PP's neck.

"You call that threatening?" asked Pirate Penguin.

Then NC held a potato chip bag he stole from PP's belt over a trash can and held his shuriken against the bottom half of it.

"Okay, okay! We'll have it in a wrestling arena," said Pirate Penguin.

* * *

><p>Later, PP and NC went over to the local wrestling arena to find it being used for a wrestling match.<p>

"Who hosts a wrestling match in a wrestling arena?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that. But anyway, wanna try the playground then? It will be much more challenging than the huge area the wrestling arena has," said Ninja Chicken.

"Not as exciting as a swordfight in a volcano, but it could still prove I'm a better swordfighter than someone without an actual sword," said Pirate Penguin.

"Okay, here we are," said Ninja Chicken as he pointed at the playground with kids on it.

"SCRAM!" said Pirate Penguin.

All the kids looked at PP and ran off.

"Why did you make them all run away?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Don't you know how much it would cramp my style if someone actually saw us swordfighting in a playground?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"Fair enough," said Ninja Chicken as he got on one end of a playsystem in the playground.

"Same rules as before, first one to touch the mulch loses," said Ninja Chicken as he pulled out two shrunken. "Now let this be our **final battle!**"

"Wait, you were serious about that? I thought you were kidding, no way this can be our final battle, I wanna do a Round 4!" said Pirate Penguin.

"Then let this be our **non-final battle!**" said Ninja Chicken.

Pirate Penguin grabbed his sword from his belt, which made it fall down again.

After putting it back on and tightening it, Pirate Penguin and Ninja Chicken went on into mortal combat as they ran toward each other with their weapons in hand.

Ninja Chicken had tried to use his sword to push PP off the playsystem several times, but only to have been blocked by his sword.

Then NC tried something else. He jumped backwards, at the edge of the playsystem and threw one of his shrunken at Pirate Penguin.

He ducked, and it bounced around the walls of the other end of the playsystem until it came back to Ninja Chicken and pushed him down a slide.

"Curse my lightning quick throwing!" said Ninja Chicken as he fell down the slide.

Luckily, NC grabbed the edges of the slide before he touched the ground.

Pirate Penguin came down the slide with his sword sticking out at Ninja Chicken.

* * *

><p>But with lightning quick reflexes, Ninja Chicken hopped out of the way and onto the nearby teeter-totter.<p>

But Pirate Penguin used his sword as a pole vault pole and landed on the teeter-totter.

After getting his balance back, PP pointed his sword at NC.

"NC, you've been a bad matey. And like all bad mateys, you must walk the plank!" said Pirate Penguin.

"Not if the plank kicks you off first!" said Ninja Chicken as he hopped over Pirate Penguin and landed on the higher side of the teeter-totter, launching Pirate Penguin through the air.

* * *

><p>But he used his hook to grab onto the monkey bars he flew by.<p>

"Hmmm, Pirate Penguin's gotten better at swordfighting. Perhaps those swordfighting books at the library actually taught him something besides he'd rather watch TV," thought Ninja Chicken.

Ninja Chicken follow Pirate Penguin and jumped on the monkey bars, where he used his shuriken to cut at PP while he did the same with his sword.

Then Pirate Penguin saw Ninja Chicken's hand hanging from the monkey bars and tried slashing his sword at it.

"NC, let me show you the best advantage of having a hook for a hand," said Pirate Penguin as Ninja Chicken tried to use his shuriken on Pirate Penguin's hook hand.

"It doesn't let go of things, no matter how hard you try to hurt it," said Pirate Penguin, as he was about to hit NC's last finger that was on the bar.

Then Ninja Chicken hit PP's sword with a shuriken, causing it to fly out of PP's hands for a moment before he could grab it.

Before he grabbed it, NC snuck through the space between his monkey bar and the next.

"That also means your hook hand won't let go of my shuriken as I try to pick you up by it," said Ninja Chicken.

He picked up PP's hook hand with the hole in his shuriken, and threw him off of the monkey bars with it. "And man, you really need to lose weight."

* * *

><p>Pirate Penguin landed on the swingset.<p>

Ninja Chicken followed him and he jumped on the swing next to him.

As they swung back and forth, their weapons clanged against each other, with neither one of them winning.

"So you decided to kick me off the monkey bars, eh? Well 2 can play at that game," said Pirate Penguin as he cut the chains on NC's swing, sending NC's swing sailing through the air due to the force he generated swinging.

But he landed o the merry-go-round, luckily.

"Two indeed," said Ninja Chicken as he threw two more shuriken, one for each of PP's chains.

After PP landed on the merry-go-round, he and NC stood on opposite sides of it.

"I sense a pattern here," said Ninja Chicken.

"No more changes in battle area," said Pirate Penguin. "This ends now."

"I couldn't agree more," said Ninja Chicken as he took his shuriken and ran over to PP, but Pirate Penguin had spun the merry-go-round so Ninja Chicken nearly walked off the edge of it.

The merry-go-round was spinning so fast, Ninja Chicken needed to hold onto the railings to fight PP.

But every time NC tried to walk over to him, he just hit NC with his sword so he fell back.

Then Ninja Chicken remembered how before the first round, he cut Pirate Penguin's sword in half while he tried to chop him.

"What a dummy I am for not thinking of this earlier. PP's idiocy must be rubbing off on me," thought Ninja Chicken.

Then NC ran up to Pirate Penguin and when he tried to hit NC with his sword, he cut the top half off, then bounced off of PP's fat belly to the middle of the merry-go-round where he used his shuriken to detach the base of the merry-go-round to the rest of it, so it stopped spinning.

Once that happened, Ninja Chicken threw a shuriken at Pirate Penguin's belly and he fell off of the merry-go-round and touched the ground.

"Game over! I win!" said Ninja Chicken as he helped Pirate Penguin up.

"Aw, %#$," said Pirate Penguin as he glued his sword together with gloo brand glue.

"I gotta say, you have gotten better with swords, my frenemy," said Ninja Chicken.

"I gotta say, I know that," said Pirate Penguin.

"Wanna go over to the arcade before we decide Round 4?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Yeah dude," said Pirate Penguin.


	5. Round 4: Video Game Vengeance

**Author's Note: Sorry I haven't updated foor a while. I've been too busy goofing off since it's summer and all.**

* * *

><p>Pirate Penguin and Ninja Chicken were relaxing at NC's place after 3 epic-packed awesome battles in a row.<p>

"So you wanna have a Round 4 soon?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"You bet I do!" said Pirate Penguin.

"So what's it gonna be?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"How about a video game tournament?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"Why video games?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"I'm physically and mentally lazy. Why not?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"Okay, but I get to pick what the final round is," said Ninja Chicken. "I'll probably need a break to rest up for it anyway."

Ninja Chicken grew a sneer on his face.

"Deal," said Pirate Penguin as he looked for a game.

* * *

><p>"What do you say we play Doll of Duty: Medal of Goner?" asked Pirate Penguin.<p>

"No! I hate that game!" said Ninja Chicken.

"What about Left 4 Bed 2?" said Pirate Penguin looking through NC's video game cabinet.

"That's even worse!" said Ninja Chicken.

"Howsabout Grand Theft Lotto VI?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"Grand Theft Lotto? No way, that game's impossibly hard! I mean the odds of actually winning the lotto tickets you steal are-"

"Well that's great. Kung Fu Koala: The Game?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"That guy beat me up once! Why do we even have that?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Oh yeah, I remember accidentally saving you from him," said Pirate Penguin.

Pirate Penguin noticed he'd went through most of their video games.

"The Legend of Helga: Spirit Quacks?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"Too long. I want a game we can finish quickly," said Ninja Chicken.

"What about Super Math Pros?" asked Pirate Penguin. "Wait, forget I said that!"

"I'm in the mood for an old school game," said Ninja Chicken.

"Old School, huh? Well I have a good one right here," said Pirate Penguin as he pulled out one game to show Ninja Chicken.

"Speed the Hedgefrog 5? I love that game! But it's not 2-player," said Ninja Chicken.

"I have a copy of the remake for Qii. We can play at the same time and see who can get the highest score," said Pirate Penguin.

"Hang on a second," said Pirate Penguin as he ran off.

He came back with his TV and a Qii in his arms, struggling to keep it in the air. Finally he put it down next to NC's TV.

"Did you hook up the other copy of it?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"Yup, let's get started!" said Ninja Chicken.

"You are so gonna lose! I'm a pirate! Video games are my element!" said Pirate Penguin.

"Pirates have existed for centuries and video games havn't for even one. How is this a pirate's element?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Okay, maybe not a pirate's but a penguin's element! Penguin's flippers are built for pressing buttons!" said Pirate Penguin.

"I don't even know where to begin with that," said Ninja Chicken.

"Anyway, let's get started!" said Pirate Penguin.

* * *

><p>PP and NC both got to the title screen for Speed the Hedgefrog 5.<p>

"On the count of five, we start!" said Pirate Penguin.

"1…" said Ninja Chicken.

"2345! Start!" said Pirate Penguin.

As they both hit start at the same time, the words "BLUE HILL AREA PART 1" covered the screen.

"You are so going down," said Pirate Penguin.

"Bold words for someone who just lost their first life," said Ninja Chicken.

Pirate Penguin looked onscreen to see an enemy ran into him when he wasn't looking.

"Hmph," said Pirate Penguin.

Pirate Penguin had gone up, seeing that he got into the Super Area after Part 1 of Blue Hill.

"This is awesome! I just beat Part one and got the blue destruction gem in the Super Area!" said Pirate Penguin. "I bet Ninja Chicken is miles behind me!"

Pirate Penguin looked at Ninja Chicken's screen to see he was already at the first boss battle.

"Whoa! I need to catch up if I want to beat NC," thought Pirate Penguin.

"Yup you do! And yes, I found out how you heard my thoughts," said Ninja Chicken.

* * *

><p>Pirate Penguin and Ninja Chicken were in the middle of the game; both collecting over 1,000,000 points, but Ninja Chicken had more.<p>

"Hmmm, I'm obviously not going to beat NC at this rate. I need something that will get me a ton of points!" thought Pirate Penguin. "Fortunately, I have just the tools to do that!"

Pirate Penguin tiptoed over to the video game cabinet and pulled out a copy of The Speed the Hedgefrog 5 Cheat Guide.

"Now I just need to get it and find an entry point to the Hidden Area for tons of extra points," thought Pirate Penguin.

But all of the sudden, a shuriken came flying through the air and pinned the cheat guide to the wall.

"I heard your thoughts. No cheating," said Ninja Chicken without taking his eyes off the screen.

Pirate Penguin took his controller back. By now he noticed he had died from time being wasted since he forgot to pause, and now he only had one life left.

"I can't think my idea if NC figured out how I heard his thoughts, maybe if I whispered it to myself instead?" thought Pirate Penguin.

"Well that ain't fair," said Ninja Chicken.

"Neither is listening to my thoughts," said Pirate Penguin.

"I guess I'll just have to find the Hidden Area by myself," whispered Pirate Penguin to himself. "Y'know, for such a good idea of averting NC from finding out my plan, that's not a very good plan."

* * *

><p>Pirate Penguin then looked at Ninja Chicken's screen then saw that he was three levels ahead of him, and one away from the final boss.<p>

And to make things worse, he had three times as much points as PP.

"This is going to be tight," thought Pirate Penguin.

"At least for you," said Ninja Chicken.

"**Quit listening to my thoughts!**" said Pirate Penguin.

Pirate Penguin searched the whole level for a portal to the Hidden Area and found nothing.

Eventually, Pirate Penguin saw the clock was at nine minutes. The time limit per level is ten, so he had to hurry up.

It was then, Pirate Penguin's character was stopped in his tracks as he fell down a trapdoor. But in the pit the trapdoor led to, there was a black hole, which was a portal to the Hidden Area. He was about to run through it when a whole bunch of enemies fell from the ceiling on both sides of PP.

"This should be challenging," said Pirate Penguin.

Then as all the enemies shot a laser, PP ducked and they shot each other.

"Or not," said Pirate Penguin.

He then jumped through the black hole.

Pirate Penguin grew a huge grin on his face as the words "HIDDEN AREA" covered the screen.

Every square inch of the area had big gold coins, which were each 100 points.

After Pirate Penguin got all the big gold coins, he left for the exit, but to find there were ten, one for each level. Pirate Penguin went in the last one to see the words "FINAL AREA" cover the screen.

Ninja chicken had just gotten to the same level and noticed something on Pirate Penguin's screen.

"PP, you may have gotten a lot of points in the Hidden Area, but it's only equivalent to MY current score," said Ninja Chicken, noticing both their scores were 462,543,600 points.

"Then I guess the winner is who can beat the final boss first," said Pirate Penguin.

"I'll beat you to the ground," said Ninja Chicken.

"Oh yeah? And why's that?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"Even if you do beat him on your LAST life, you're so much slower than me that I'll be ahead," said Ninja Chicken.

"Well we'll only find out if we play!" said Pirate Penguin as he ran towards the boss room.

To both of their surprises, a giant robot version of the protagonist, Speed the Hedgefrog was the final boss.

Pirate Penguin had no idea how to beat it at first. He just dodged all it's attacks until he could find a way to hit its head, which was probably the robot's weak spot.

Then Pirate Penguin noticed how its fist comes down into the ground and came back up near its head to repeat it.

Pirate Penguin jumped on the fist, and when it came back up, he was in range to hit the head.

Pirate Penguin did it once, and then noticed Ninja Chicken was actually one hit away from beating it.

* * *

><p>"Any last words before I beat you?" asked Ninja Chicken.<p>

"Two, SUPER SPEED!" said Pirate Penguin.

With the press of a button, PP's character started glowing gold and flew.

"When did you get Super Speed?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"I got all eight Destruction Gems earlier and the Hidden area had enough Big Gold Coins to trigger it," said Pirate Penguin as he flew through the robot's head with his invincible form.

Soon Pirate Penguin had obliterated the robot and the credits started playing while Ninja Chicken's character died while he wasn't looking.

"Okay, I'll admit it: I'm impressed," said Ninja Chicken.

"That's why you don't mess with Pirate Penguin FOOL!" said Pirate Penguin.

"You do realize I pick the next and final round, right?" asked Ninja Chicken.

"Yeah, so what do you have in mind?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"This was just a break from this battle if you ask me, although it does count us to be two to two now," said Ninja Chicken.

"We're to two to now?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"Yeah, haven't you been keeping track? Anyway, Round 5 will be the final round, so I want it 2B Epic!" said Ninja Chicken.

"What do you have in mind?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"Space Duel," said Ninja Chicken.

"AWESOME! But how're we gonna get to space?" asked Pirate Penguin.

"I'm sure Astronaut Armadillo can arrange a rocket launch for us," said Ninja Chicken.

"This is going to be EPIC!" said Pirate Penguin.


End file.
